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#5349327 Dec 11, 2011 at 12:59 AM
12 Posts
I figured I'd start a new thread for jokes, since a few people said they had more than what they posted in the joke contest.

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store.
The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.
The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange.
So, he decides to find out what's going on.
The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something."
The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around.
Yeah, I went there...
#5350154 Dec 11, 2011 at 07:26 AM
6 Posts
Ok so since Asalyn went ahead n created a Jokes thread before me, i'll just post the jokes i know here everyday. I don't got thousands so i'll post one each day just so this thread lasts longer than others.
Some of these jokes may have discrimination against race, nationality, age etc or they may be a bit adult oriented. But i don't mean to insult anyone n just posting these jokes for laugh's sake. If you think a joke is quite offensive by any means, please go ahead n say so. I'll remove it immediately or if possible, change it around a bit.
Hope you enjoy these jokes like i did n hope to see other players contribute to this thread. So i'll begin off with this joke n post more, hopefully one each day.
Here goes:

Two women who were friends had gone out for a "Girls Night Out", and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to use the restroom. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the other woman's husband and says, "These damn girls night outs have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, We'll never forget you!"

Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery but Today is a Gift, that is why it's called Present.
#5352101 Dec 11, 2011 at 04:07 PM
26 Posts
Yay a joke thread, I may have to give this some love when I get a chance.
#5353416 Dec 11, 2011 at 10:14 PM
6 Posts
Ok, here's today's joke of the day. Hope you like it. :)

A man is working on the buses in the US, collecting tickets.
He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half-way getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.
"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes" answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?"
The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.
"Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never happened before."
The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.
The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?" says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sitting there smiling in the
chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.
Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.
"What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?" The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sitting there alive without even a burn mark.
"I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you can still be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana, isn't it?" he asked.
"Nahh" said the bloke, "I'm just a really bad conductor."

Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery but Today is a Gift, that is why it's called Present.
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